Saturday, February 28, 2009

This Post Is Not About Serious People

I had planned to write today about Nostradamus predicting that the Large Hadron Collider on the border between France and Switzerland will cause a black hole and dispatch every last living thing on earth to an ignominious death, but that seems like a mere distraction compared to another black hole known as the Republican Party.

Besides which, you don't need a physics degree to write about the Republicans, who in a never ending series of bad Monty Python skits, reveal themselves to have learned nothing from the drubbing they received last November:

Party pillar of probity Jim DeMint:
"[Conservatives might have to] take to the streets to stop America’s slide into socialism."
Party godfather Rush Limbaugh:
"I'm talking to you, those of you who think Jindal was horrible, in fact, I don't want to hear from you ever again if you think that what Bobby Jindal said was bad or what he said was wrong or not said well, because, folks, style is not going to take our country back."
Party godfather-ette Ann Coulter:
"Obama is becoming the Cal Ripken Jr. of presidents, making history every time he suits up for a game. Recently, Obama also became the first African-American president to order a ham sandwich late at night from the White House kitchen! That's going to get old pretty quick."
Party incredible lightness-weight William Kristol:
"[We] can't allow Obama to make of 2009 what Franklin Roosevelt made of 1933 or Johnson of 1965. . . . [We] can try in any way possible to break Obama's momentum."
Party deep thinker Joe the Plumber:
"Back in the day, really, when people would talk about our military in a poor way, somebody would shoot 'em."
Party media maven Cliff Kincaid:
"Obama is a Communist and a foreigner."
Party mad hatter John Bolton:
"The fact is on foreign policy I don't think President Obama thinks it's a priority. He said during the campaign he thought Iran was a tiny threat. Tiny, tiny depending on how many nuclear weapons they are ultimately able to deliver on target. Its, uh, its tiny compared to the Soviet Union, but is the loss of one American city -- pick one at random -- Chicago -- is that a tiny threat?
Party chairman Michael Steele:
"We know the past, we know we did wrong. My bad."
Party wingnut extraordinaire Michele Bachman:
"Michael Steele! You be da man! You be da man."
No, folks, that parrot's not dead. He's, he's restin'!

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