You Know That Society Is Doomed . . .

When a wealthy fund manager avoids felony charges after running over a cyclist and fleeing the scene because the DA says the charges would be bad for the fund manager's business.

When a city bans the sale of Happy Meals.

When voters in one of the most conservative states feel it is necessary to prohibit their judges from using Sharia law.

When employers fire employees for testing positive for legally prescribed drugs.

When police use a Taser on a jogger wearing nothing but swimming goggles.

When we still have Dick Cheney to kick around.

When a bank robber offers to pay bystanders $1,000 for a getaway ride.

When a male shoplifter walks out of a store wearing stolen high heels.

When Campell's markets a line of halal-certified soups for Muslims.

When school snow days are no longer snow days.

When a man calls police to report that marijuana he bought tastes "nasty."

When a man dressed as Jesus is kicked out of church.

When a teen armed with a bottle of salad dressing tries to rob a store.

When a candidate for the U.S. Senate has his own private militia.

When a man wearing a Breathalyzer Halloween costumed is busted for drunk driving.

When 95 percent of Americans don't know that they got a tax cut.

When a strip-club customer is awarded $650,000 after being hit with a platform shoe with a metal heel.

When a man is charged with the sexual abuse of a miniature horse.

When a man waterboards his girlfriend in an attempt to find out if she's been cheating.

When a town council is accused of taking a leap toward socialism when it votes to hire a single trash collector and institute curbside recycling.

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