You Know That Society Is Doomed . . .

When a Democratic president has a higher national-security approval rating than his Republican predecessor.

When the Democratic president is more secretive than his Republican predecessor.

When Disney bans actresses with fake boobs from a casting call.

When a creative angler tries fishing for a bank deposit bag at a drop slot.

When a judge orders the arrest of a teenager for an overdue DVD.

When a congressman declares that Guam is in danger of tipping over.

When Wal-Mart sells black and white Barbie dolls for different prices.

When a former Bush administration official criticizes President Obama for killing too many terrorists.

When a woman live-tweets her abortion.

When a wife is forced to divorced her husband of over 40 years because he has Alzheimer's and that is the only way, after running through all the family’s savings, to make care affordable for him.

When a woman who asserts that her Lexus is "possessed" sells the car to a family member.

When the Supreme Court considers banks to be people but unlike real people they don't pay taxes.

When a woman says she tried to rob a bank because it was on her "bucket list."

When a teacher is accused of letting kids put on a Chippendales-style revue.

When a middle school student is suspended for just saying no to drugs.

When a doctor tells Obama supporters to go elsewhere for care.

When parents buy a minivan, can't make payments and keep the car by making their 14-year-old daughter perform sex acts on the dealer.

When right-wing Republicans urge people to not return their Census forms but then realize the GOP could lose congressional seats because of the silly tactic.

When Ricky Martin outs himself as being gay.

When an 81-year-old woman demands child-support money that is 60 years late.

When a home invader claims to be Jesus, Houdini's grandson and Elvis.

When parents say a school needs to clamp down on the use of democracy.

When one of the most corrupt congressmen since forever gets a slot on a Sunday talk show.

When a car eating dog is ordered to attend obedience classes.

When the Pentagon shuts down a program to help military spouses pay for college because it's too popular.

When there is a tax on indoor tanning salons.

When Hawaii is forced to consider legislation allowing them to ignore repeated requests from Obama birthers for his birth certificate.

When a politician warns that relaxing the definition of marriage is inevitably going to lead to some man marrying his horse.

When Scrabble rules are changed to allow proper nouns.

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