Monday, December 21, 2009

You Know That Society Is Doomed . . .

When Democrats excoriate President Obama for keeping a campaign promise.
When elite colleges try to market themselves as Hogwarts.
When a shopping mall is evacuated when a man dressed as an elf tells Santa that he has dynamite.
When a Republican congressman accuses Democrats of being rapists like Roman Polanski.
When people who shouldn't have gun permits go off half-cocked and kill people. Lots of people.

When $1,500 worth of marijuana is accidentally donated to a Goodwill store.

When a 74-year-old Wal-Mart greet is punched in the kisser.

When Mike Huckabee doesn't stand a chance of being prezdent because he's too nice a guy.

When a man is charged with assaulting his sister with a microwaved pecan pie.

When a woman who was taken to a hospital in an ambulance decides she doesn't want to be there and steals the ambulance to make her exit.

When phone books become obsolescent.

When the president hates Christmas so much that he schedules a major prime-time speech on Afghanistan opposite Charlie Brown's Christmas.

When Chuck E. Cheese brawls are so common that they're hardly newsworthy.

When a woman goes in for an oil change and comes out with a new car.

When a 13-year-old girl hides her 19-year-old Facebook pal in a closet for two days after they have sex.

When a leading right-wing blogger refuses to go over the cliff with the Republican lemmings.

When a college's Great Dane mascot costume is returned after being stolen -- but is neutered.

When a man is beaten with a squeegee during a gas-pump incident.

When Jesus keeps showing up on all kinds of things.

When 30 Republican senators -- all men (natch) -- get all whiny when it is pointed out that they voted against a measure to withhold defense contracts from companies that restrict their employees from taking workplace sexual assault cases to court.

When a woman has a panic attack after seeing a sorority sister who hazed her.

When a man who thought he was a ninja is impaled by a metal fence.

When a love-struck deer loses a head butt with a lawn ornament.

When drug makers (legally) pay the competition to prevent them from marketing cheaper generic varieties of their expensive drugs.

When a man is jailed after calling 9-1-1 and asking for sex.

When the ghostwriter for a really famous political personage's autobio fabricates quotes and attributes them to Plato and Aristotle.

Click here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here for previous installments of You Know Society Is Doomed. Hat tip to Obscure Store for many of the links.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This kind of post is one of the reasons I read you every day. The LittleGreenFootball episode and ensuing antics is something I thought I'd never see. A blogger turning on his own cesspool is rare indeed. But considering Mr. Johnson resided over and encouraged said cesspool doesn't give him an out as far as I'm concerned.