You Know That Society Is Doomed . . .

When President Obama is blamed for causing the BP oil spill because he dissed Israel.

When a man takes his mother hostage for not ironing his clothes.

When a woman crashes her car into a liquor store -- for the second time.

When General Motors employees are told to no longer refer to Chevrolets as Chevys.

When a six-year-old girl is on the U.S. government's "no-fly" list.

When parents brawl at a kindergarten graduation.

When voters tend to support political incumbents more when their local football team is winning.

When a restaurant serves food only from countries that the U.S. is in conflict with.

When a veteran editor covering the Middle East is canned for tweeting that she admired a Lebanese cleric with ties to militants who had passed away.

When a woman blames a vampire for a car crash.

When a state releases a training video for its police offices on how to act like they're not racial profiling when they racial profile.

When a couple tries to sell their baby at a Wal-Mart for an "every day low price."

When Apple censors a version of Joyce's "Ulysses" for being too graphic.

When a candidate threatens her opponent with a lawsuit because she claims her published opinions on policy issues are protected by copyright.

When Wal-Mart spends over $1 million in legal fees rather than pay a $7,000 fine.

When a tween star's fan base becomes alienated because their idol is growing up.

When Republicans support higher unemployment.

When siblings fight over whether to put butter or margarine in a macaroni and cheese casserole.

When a priest steals $1 million for male escorts and nice clothes.

When a man shows a woman and daughter his "grape nuts" in a supermarket cereal aisle.

When Subway changes the way it puts cheese on subs.

When a crossing guard beats up a boy for calling him "fatso."

When a man steals a tractor from a construction site to go on a beer run.

When a woman intentionally shoots herself in the shoulder so she can get emergency room treatment.

When a guy tells police that Hitler made him grow pot plants.

When LeBron James' move to the Miami Heat helps the Tea Party.

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