Some Random Observations On Lincoln's Birthday: It's A Way Wacky World, Abe

Abraham Lincoln would have celebrated his 200th birthday today if he hadn't picked a bad night to go to the theater, and it is safe to assume that this simple fella would be simply astounded at the wacky world around him if he were alive today.

As risk taking goes, betting that the path out of the wilderness and back into political power will be for the economy to further collapse on Barack Obama's watch while thumbing a collective nose at helping alleviate this crisis is about as foolish as it gets, but that is exactly what your Republican Party is doing, Mr. Lincoln. This is further proof that its holier-than-thou obsession with patriotism doesn't extend beyond American flag lapel pins.

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No offense, but those Republicans really seem to be stuck on stupid. They have turned to an unlicensed plumber just back from covering a war even though he wasn't a reporter to advise them on strategy even although he's clueless about that, as well.

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Speaking of Israel, it really seems to have screwed the pooch. Hamas has emerged from the Gaza offensive bowed but not beaten, and with more support than it had before the carnage began, while Bibi Netanyahu is poised to form a coalition government of war mongers that will further destabilize the region even though a more moderate candidate received more votes.

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Alex "A-Fraud" Rodriguez's confession that he was hopped up during his Most Valuable Player season is only the latest manifestation of the slow-motion train wreck resulting from Major League Baseball's refusal to deal with steroid abuse and other doping issues until it was forced to do so.

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Wall Street is pissing all over the Treasury's bank-bailout plan, which is a sure sign that it has merit. The plan was necessitated by the financial market's hubris-driven culture to begin with and its major objection seems to be that Washington won't be lavishing hundreds of millions of no-strings-attached dollars on its executive jet setters.

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The Fifth Amendment (you know, "I refuse to answer on the grounds that it might yada yada yada me") is getting a vigorous workout on Capitol Hill these days. The head honchos of a company that sold tainted peanut butter not only took the Fifth in response to any and all questions but also refused to eat their own product for the benefit of House subcommittee members on the grounds that it might . . . poison them?

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Police in South Carolina have issued warrants for people at a party where mega-Olympic gold medal winner Michael Phelps was photographed taking a hit from a marijuana pipe, while potheads are urging a boycott of munchies maker Kellogg Company because it is its cutting endorsement ties with the hero swimmer.

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The enormously powerful drug and medical-device industries are mobilizing to gut a provision in the economic stimulus bill that would allot $1.1 billion for research comparing medical treatments because, they claim, it would be the first step to government rationing.

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I know there was a silly book out a couple of years ago claiming that you were gay, Mr. Lincoln, but this sexual orientation thing does make some people cranky. So cranky that an Army National Guard lieutenant who served honorably in Iraq and nearly got her ass blown off by an IED has been discharged because she's a lesbian.

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Yeah, we finally have ourselves a black president, but some people still are sore about that Civil War thing. Why just the other day, Republican State Representative Bryan Stevenson of Missouri declared that the proposed pro-choice "Freedom of Choice Act" is the biggest federal power grab since the "War of Northern Aggression."

Ahem.