Kiko's House Exclusive: Top Secret New Zealand Nationalist Party Doomsday File Found

A recent comment from a visitor betrayed a puzzling la-di-dah attitude in far away New Zealand (at least it's far away from Kiko's House) in response to a post stating that global warming may be a threat to life as we know it at some point in the future.

This commenter, drawing on the best available science, explained that glaciers in New Zealand are growing despite a record number of cow farts. Contrast this to glaciers in Greenland, Antarctica and other garden spots in the making that are shrinking although there is a cow fart shortage. You've gotta admit that the chap has a point.

His comment prompted Kiko's House to try to suss out why he and some otherwise smart people, including King George Bush, are in such denial about even discussing the notion of global warming.

We haven't found the answer, but in the course of our search we came upon a bit of insight in the form of a document in a vellum folder marked "TOP SECRET" that was left on a table at a Starbucks at Lambton Quay in Wellington, N.Z.

The contents of the folder apparently had been prepared for key members of New Zealand's minority Nationalist Party. It bore the title: The Top 50 Things That the Nats Must Look Out For.

Nothing on the list seemed to indicate that the Nationals have a clue about regaining power. "Threat of Global Warming" was No. 49 on the list, just ahead of "Seaborne Invasion of Rabid Australian Wombats."

Sadly, No. 50 already has come to pass.

The lovable looking but lethal marsupial shown above was captured by the Masterton constabulary after coming ashore at Cape Palliser in a rubber dinghy with a supply of grasses, herbs and tree bark, as well as a code book and a loaded AK47 with a spare banana clip. Oh, he also had a "I Wuv Helen" tattoo under the fur on his left front shoulder.