Friday, January 09, 2009

Quotes From Around Yon Blogosphere

Robert Pritikin, the multimillionaire composer of the "Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco treat" jingle (doesn't that take me back) is considering a lawsuit against Tom Cruise for featuring the likeness of a famous globe that Hitler used to plan U-boat attacks in his movie Valkyrie. Pritikin bought the original globe in 2007 and had its likeness copyrighted "to keep it from being used in propaganda by sick neo-Nazi groups," in the words of the New York Post.

I confess I was unaware such things could be copyrighted, but now that I have lost my innocence, I'd recommend that next time Pritikin copyright Hitler's likeness. Not only would it strike deeper against neo-Nazi propaganda, it would create many, many more opportunities for attempted legal-cinematic shakedowns.

-- CHRISTOPHER ORR

Hard-partying Episcopal Priest Gregory Malia was popular in New York nightclubs, what with his $17,000 tips and all. In Wilkes-Barre, Pa. -- they have a nightclub! -- he was just weird.

Malia is from Pennsylvania. And apparently he liked to try and show off in the vicinity of his hometown. A baffled DJ at "Evolution" remembered one such night for the Daily News.

"Greg came in with a group of four older women, who approached the deejay booth and asked him to put on a Rihanna song. One girl said Greg would take ‘very good care’ of the deejay if he helped them out. We thought that was odd."

He was presumably happy after the $1,000 tip, though. Although still confused. Rihanna? Really?

-- RYAN TATE

Michael Phelps Inc.™® is returning to Beijing, this time to provide every man, woman and child with a brand new car. Expect gas here to be $9 per gallon by next year.

Phelps has been signed by Mazda to be their spokesman in the Greater China Region, where they're counting on him to boost their lagging sales.

Anyway, on behalf of the environment, the crude oil market and pedestrians everywhere, we thank you, Michael, for doing God's work.

-- RICK CHANDLER

Jeremy Piven isn’t going to le a little "mercury poisoning" (cough) stop him from banging models to the extent that he can. He is well known for his sleazy methods of picking up women — such as sending out mass text messages to girls he meets at parties and offering a prize (him for the night) to the first to respond.

But he recently started dating 23-year-old model Ashley Chontos, probably for her unfettered naivete when it comes to death by sushi.

-- BY HOLLY WON'T

Oh hey, former celebrity magazine editor Bonnie Fuller is still writing some of the internet's most inexplicable columns about celebrity issues. Today she answers the secret question: Why do celebs always die on vacation?

"How many of YOUR friends or acquaintances pass away on vacations or in vacation spots? It certainly seems like celebrities are far more affected by this awful phenomenon than regular folks."

Good point Bonnie. Explain please, using your years of experience at celebrity magazines as a tool for insight.

-- HAMILTON NOLAN

It is a dream that has been shared by lovers across the centuries – the chance to elope to exotic lands. But few would have been as bold and spontaneous as six-year-old Mika and his five-year-old sweetheart Anna-Bell who, after mulling over their options in secret, packed their suitcases on New Year's Eve and set off from the German city of Hanover to tie the knot under the heat of the African sun.

The children left their homes at dawn while their unwitting parents were apparently sleeping, and took along Mika's seven-year-old sister, Anna-Lena, as a witness to the wedding.

-- KATE CONNOLLY

Ugh, Lily Allen is a true piece of work. Of all the attention whores in all the world, she actually seems to be vying for the top slot.

The British poplet has had a long-standing competition going with Amy Winehouse, who for her part hasn’t seemed all too interested in feuding. First, in 2007, Lily mocked Amy Winehouse's famous addiction problems by raising a shot of Jagermeister onstage at a music festival and toasting: "It's the end of the weekend, you have got to have a drink. Here's to Amy Winehouse . . . ha!"

Then she developed a raging drug and alcohol problem of her own.

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