Paris Hilton Bawls Her Way Out of Jail

Paris Hilton has finally done it to me. She has so outraged my sensibilities that here I am blogging on this sack of celebrity excrement instead of analyzing every jot and tittle of the presidential race.

As everyone but those hundreds of tortured souls rotting in Gitmo surely know by now, the hotel heiress was streeted only five days into her 23-day sentence (already reduced from 45 days) in a celebrity lockup for repeatedly driving drunk.

The reason: Paris couldn’t sleep and had become a sniveling mess. She will serve the rest of her sentence at home with a tracking device attached to her ankle.

The New York Post said she was seen crying after she cracked "under the pressure of prison."

Paris, who reportedly is a moderate Republican, had unsuccessfully appealed to California Governor Schwarzenneger to commute her sentence. Her attorneys argued in an irony-free petition that "She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives."

Despite her Oscar-winning performance, I expect that it will be only a matter of time before this exceedingly stupid, if rich, harlot is in trouble again despite her stating prior to her imprisonment that:

"In the future, I plan on taking more of an active role in the decisions I make."

Scooter Libby was not available for comment. There are rumors that the nascient Fred Thompson presidential campaign is interested in bringing her on as a spokesmodel.

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Image: Kvatch at Blognonymous