Upchuck . . . er, Update on the GOP Drunk Tank

Kiko's House will not be held hostage by the Mark Foley scandal. I killed too many brain cells putting together yesterday's package, which nearly crashed the blog.

But the scandal, involving a Republican congressman from Florida with a taste for teenaged congressional pages of the male persuasion, has gone supernova faster than the Starship Enterprise and threatens to topple the Family Values . . . er, Republican Party leadership in the House a mere five weeks before a crucial mid-term election.

In the seamiest new development, it turns out that Foley, who skedaddled off to rehab to be treated for the alcoholism that he claims caused him to send sexually suggestive emails to pages and God knoiws what else, interrupted a House vote in 2003 to engage in Internet sex with a high school student who had served as a page, according to an ABC News report.

Foley's flak claims that he is not a pederast and never had sex with any of his objects of desire. This apparently does not include simulated sex.

Methinks it will be only a matter of time before the rest of Foley's house of cards comes crashing down and his assertion that he never had sex with any of his young targets is disproved. His latest excuse for his behavior -- a claim that he was molested as a child by a Catholic priest -- ain't gonna float anybody's boat in Middle America. It also was revealed that in addition to being a sexual predator, he is a most un-Republican homosexual.

Coming up next:

The excuse that a neighborhood bully stole his paper route money when he was 10 and that's why he has been living a life of self-loathing denial.

Democratic strategist Paul Begala put the furor this way on CNN:

"Most normal people, even political people, react to this like moms and dads. I’m a dad. Somebody sends an email like that to my kid, they are going to deal with the law firm of Smith & Wesson, OK? It ain’t going to go to no Page Board."

Phil Burress, president of the Cincinnati group Citizens for Community Values, said that among Christian conservative voters, the scandal“

Just sows more contempt for Congress as it becomes nothing more than a playground for sexual perverts.”

My big question remains the same:

How can you trust these people to protect America if they can't even protect a bunch of congressional pages?