It's Time For Tastykake to Go Bye-Bye

Tastykakes, along with hoagies, cheese steaks, soft pretzels wid (with) mustard, corrupt politicians and underachieving sports teams, are longtime Philadelphia staples.

Five generations of Philadelphians have snacked on Tastykake pies, cupcakes, donuts and other sweets. My mother would mail me care packages with Tastykakes when I was banging around the Far East and later when I lived in San Francisco. Indeed, Tastykake does a brisk trade mailing its products to Philadelphia area ex-pats.

But times have changed and Tastykake has not kept up. Although you can now buy Tastykakes far from Philadelphia, its business has been declining for years because of stiff competition from national bakeries and perhaps for another reason that I'll get to in a moment.

Now word comes that the Tasty Baking Co. may close its original bakery in the Nicetown neighborhood of Northeast Philadelphia. The 84-year-old multi-story building is not configured for efficient modern baking operations and Tastykake says it may move its operations to a new bakery or its second, more modern bakery in the far suburbs.

I have a better idea. Tastykake ought to just give up. Here's why.

THE TASTE TEST

The last few years excepted, I cannot remember a time in my life when I didn’t eat Tastykakes. This was not out of habit. I could have chosen Sara Lee or Hostess or any number of other baked goods. I ate Tastykakes because they tasted good.

In junior high school, I would buy a Tastykake lemon pie and a Coke at a mom and pop grocery at the end of my paper route. (The pies cost 11 cents and the Cokes a nickel.) I packed Tastykake chocolate cupcakes or Butterscotch Krimpets in my school lunch. When I worked in Philadelphia years later, I would cap a cheese steak lunch with a Tastykake, usually a fudge bar or chocolate mini donuts. The Dear Friend and Conscience, who lives fairly far from Philadelphia, craves peanut butter Tandy Takes, although she has trouble finding them.

Like a lot of my friends, I’ve become more health conscious in recent years and Tastykakes have not been a part of my diet.

But when I read of the Tasty Baking Co.’s plight, I thought I’d help the home team and eat a Tastykake from time to time.

So I pedaled over to the neighborhood Seven-11 and eyeballed the Tastykake rack. Should I buy a lemon pie? Chocolate cupcakes? Butterscotch Krimpets? Tandy Takes? I settled on a four pack of chocolate mini donuts that, according to the stamp on the wrapper, had been baked only a couple days earlier.

Back home, I poured myself a tall glass of (organic whole) milk and tore open the pack. I was a little disappointed when I broke the first donut in half. I would have needed a micrometer to measure the thickness of the chocolate icing, which was an unappealing dull brown. And there were big air pockets in the yellow cake filling.

Then I took what was my last bite of a Tastykake. Looks were not deceiving. The taste can only be described as chocolate-flavored cardboard.

Tastykake indeed.