America's Favorite Dysfunctional Family

Imagine if the John McCain-Sarah Palin ticket had won in 2008 and then Mumbles had The Big One, throwing the presidency to the Killa From Wasilla. And then the shitstorm of recriminations that followed Bristol's on-and-off engagement to Levi Johnson, as well as the other trailer trash hijinks for which the Palins have become infamous.

Then there was Levi's apology to the Alpha Grizzly, his apology for having apologized, his run for his not-mother-in-law's old job, and the Alpha Grizzy's incessant complaints that Bristol can't get no dad gum privacy while she jets around the Lower 48 getting paid obscene amounts of money to blather to right-wing groups.

But the crowning achievement -- the ne plus ultra -- of America's Favoritist Dysfunctional Family has to be the news that the shrinking violet daughter herself will be on next season's "Dancing With the Stars."

The White House would have become . . . um, an interesting place, wouldn't it?