Alas, It's Cum To This

The adult entertainment industry -- that's pornography to you -- is asking for a $5 billion bailout amidst the global financial crisis.

Says a spokesmouth for Hustler publisher Larry Flynt:

"The take here is that everyone and their mother want to be bailed out from the banks to the big three. The porn industry has been hurt by the downturn like everyone else. Is it the most serious thing in the world? Is it going to make the lives of Americans better if it happens? It is not for them to determine."

Flynt himself notes that the industry is in no financial danger. DVD sales have slipped over the past year, but Web traffic has continued to grow.

But "People are too depressed to be sexually active," he said. "This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex."