Poll Axed: Dubya Losing Key TFM Supporters

President Bush appears to be losing support among a key group of voters who had hitherto stood firmly with the president even as his poll numbers among other groups fell dramatically.

A new Gallup Poll shows that, for the first time, Bush's approval rating has fallen below 50 percent among total f*cking morons, and now stands at 44 percent. This represents a dramatic drop compared to a poll taken just last December, when 62 percent of total f*ucking morons expressed support for the president and his policies.

The current poll, conducted by phone with 1,409 TFMs, reveals that only 44 percent of those polled believe the president is doing a good job, while 27 percent believe he is doing a poor job and 29 percent don't understand the question. The December poll, conducted by phone with 1,530 TFMs, showed 62 percent approved of the president, 7 percent disapproved and 31 percent didn't understand the question.

Faltering approval ratings for the president among a group once thought to be a reliable source of loyal support gives Republicans one more reason to be nervous about the upcoming mid-term elections.

Said Rick Santorum, the Pennsylvania senator who is fighting for his political life in the fall election:

If we can't depend on the support of total f*cking morons, then we've got a big problem. They're a key factor in our electoral strategy, and an important part of today's Republican coalition.

Added Rep. Tom Feeney of Florida:

We've taken the total f*cking moron vote for granted, and now we're paying for it. We've let the Democrats control the debate lately, and they've dragged discourse back into the realm of complex, nuanced issues. So your average total f*cking moron turns on his TV and sees his Republican congressman arguing about constitutional law or the complexities of state formation in the Middle East, and he tunes out. He wants to hear comforting, pandering bromides. He doesn't want to hear logical arguments about complex issues. He’ll only feel confused and frustrated by anything that won’t fit on a bumper sticker.

For Feeney, the poll is a dire warning that Republicans can ignore only at their peril, but some TFMs say it's too late. Bill Snarpel of Enid, Oklahoma, voted for Bush in both 2000 and 2004. But he says he won't be voting for Bush again in 2008:

I don't like it that he was going to sell our ports to the Arabs. If the Arabs own the ports then that means they'll let all the Arabs in and then we'll all be riding camels and wearing towels on our heads. I don't want my children singing the Star Spangled Banner in Muslim.

TFM Kurt Meyer of Turlock, California also says his once solid support for Bush has collapsed:

He invaded Iraq and all those soldiers died, and for what? We destroyed all their WMDs, but now their new president is making fun of us and saying he's going to build nuclear bombs and that we can't stop him. Well, nuclear bombs are even worse than WMDs, so what did we accomplish?

Laura McDonald, a TFM from Chandler, Arizona, says she is disappointed that the president hasn't been a more forceful advocate of Christian values:

I thought Bush was going to bring Jesus back into the government. Instead, Christians are being persecuted worse than ever before in history, because all these Mexicans come here and tell Christians that we have to respect their religious beliefs. So now it's illegal for children to pray in school. Soon it will be illegal for them to speak English.

Not all total f*cking morons have turned their backs on the president.

Jeb Larkin of Topeka, Kansas, says he still fully supports Bush:

He is doing a great job. He is a great president. He is a great decider. I have a puppy. His tail sticks straight up and you can see his butthole.

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Kiko’s House received a raw version of this marvelous piece from an Anonymoose. Do you know the source? It apparently isn’t The Onion. Let us know by email to kikokimba.gmail.com and we'll give credit where it's due.